Intuition, Discernment, and Experience: The Pro-Child Way of Parenting with an Ex
“When you come to each moment cleanly, without a previous thought about it, you can create who you are, rather than re-enact who you once were.” Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh book 2, chapter 2
This was my experience 12 years ago, as I stepped into the world of separation parenting. I was shocked. It was all so new and unfamiliar. I always knew that I’d be a mom. I always knew that I’d care for and nurture my child. But I wasn’t expecting it to be through divorce. As the first separation parenting situation unfolded, all I could think was: I don’t know what to do. And in that moment, instead of reacting, I chose to create.
In a split moment, I put together a full analysis of what it meant to be Me, a mom who fully loved her daughter; weighed against what I observed around me: tabloid filled accounts of children’s lives ripped apart by divorce.
“In any given moment you can do what you normally do, or you can do what comes naturally. I tell you this: Nothing is more natural than love. If you act lovingly, you will be acting naturally.” [CwG book 2, chapter 2]
I considered, what does it mean for me to be a divorced parent AND a loving mom. A mom who wanted my child raised in love, surrounded by security, wrapped in consideration.
So I started my journey, alone with my convictions that what I felt was what I could also create: a way to nurture my child’s spirit even through divorce.
“You have come to this world in this way, at this time, in this place, to Know Who You Are – and to create Who You Wish to Be.” [CwG, book 2, chapter 2]
I knew who I was: a mother who cared deeply about her child’s well-being. And I knew that I could translate that into Who I Wished to Be: a mother who cared enough to carry my convictions into my new setting of divorced-parenting. In a sense, I was making it up as I went. Indeed, in using my senses, the feelings of my core, I was creating a new awareness of who I was in this unfamiliar setting of divorce.
Through my intuition and discernment I created a new experience, an experience that continues to evolve and grow with each new unfamiliar situation. So as I pave The Pro-Child Way, I continue: Making It Up as I Go*.
* "Making It Up As I Go: Parenting with an Ex" was the original title of my book. But, the agents and publishing houses had huge problems with a name that, to them, meant a lack of credibility. In reading Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh, I read God's reassurance: "Don't you see what you're doing here? You're making up the rules as you go along! And don't you see something else? That's perfectly okay. It's what you're supposed to be doing! All of life is a process of deciding Who You Are, and then experiencing that." [CwG book 2, chapter 3] Thank you God, for the reminder that all my ideas are Yours, it's just a matter of me remembering that and having trust in who I Am.
Ellen Kellner continues to Make It Up As I Go in all of life. Her Pro-Child Way of mindful divorced parenting is captured in The Pro-Child WayR: Parenting with an Ex - 46 Pro-Child solutions for typical divorced-parenting situations which is available on the CuttingEdgeLaw bookstore.