When you start from the premise that “All is One,” outer situations connect to inner realities. Having done therapeutic work to heal relationships with my family of origin, I married a man with traits similar to my mother. Our relationship brought out behaviors in me similar to behaviors of my father. My personality was similar to my husband’s father personality which “fit” his behavior resonating with that of his mother. We each had (and have) inner female and inner male energies to be integrated.
I do inner work to clearing patterns in relationships. The patterns that showed up in my marriage (variations of patterns from my family of origin) brought me to a new level of consciousness. During my “day job” as a collaborative lawyer, sometimes, issues show up between a client and his/her spouse that match a pattern I have worked with in my own life. The synergy is beautiful. To the extent that I have already transmuted a negative pattern, I can model healthy responses to a challenging situation. When I notice that my emotional response triggers unhealthy behaviors of the past, I can use this client’s case to “remind” me of what I learned previously and expand the application of a previously learned lesson.
For example, take “forgiveness.” As a child, I felt high expectations. When I did not live up to them, I felt as if I “failed” and that I did something “wrong.” Looking at interactions in my marriage, I could see a lack of forgiveness – in both directions. Forgiving my spouse and allowing myself to feel forgiveness opened up new life. Clients whose problems resonate with that dilemma show up in my office. I can help them experience deeper peace through forgiveness if they want that experience.