"I love my clients"
A few months ago, I interviewed for a summer clerkship with the Capital Habeas Unit of the Federal Public Defender's Office. If I got the job, I would be spending my summer "finding the needle in the haystack"; I would be searching through every record of the lower proceedings to find violations of the client's constitutional rights, in order to overturn the sentence of death. As with every interview, I didn't really know what to expect -- what questions would be asked of me, how I was going to sell my abilities and qualities. I knew I wanted the job -- but it wasn't until about halfway through the meeting that I realized just how much, and why, I wanted this job. This was an interview that transformed me.
The attorney asked me, almost right off the bat, how I would handle one or more of our clients being executed by the state. When she asked me that question, it really hit home to me how very real this was going to be -- this went beyond hypothetical defendants in a law school class; it went beyond some abstract beliefs about capital punishment. If I got this job, I would be fighting for someone's life. I very honestly told her I would be devastated. I have always been against capital punishment, but it went deeper than that. I found it hard to imagine ANY attorney being "ok" with their client, or ANY person, being put to death.
We talked about my skills in writing, research, and analysis. We talked about some of my former coursework, awards, and recognitions. The interview rose to a different level, however, when it was my turn to ask the attorney questions. I asked her how she deals with it -- how she separates out the facts and the horrible crimes when she sits down and has a conversation with her clients. She responded:
"I love my clients. These people aren't the same people they were 10, 20, 30 years ago when they committed the crimes. The testosterone is gone, many have mental illnesses. But none of us deserve to be defined by one moment in our lives."
It really took me aback, and I shared with her my little journey through law school so far and how I never want to view my client as just "another case."
Sometimes the attorney is the only person the client talks to -- and sometimes it's the last face the person sees before they die. When I mentioned that, we both got emotional -- I would have though it was a bad sign if the attorney cried during the interview! I had never formulated that into words before -- it's just the feeling I got, that people do not, for the most part, go to attorneys unless they need HELP.
What an opportunity we have to "be the face of love," for people who need it the most! When she told me "I love my clients," and she was talking about murderers, it was one of the most profound things I've ever heard. It hit me -- these are not just murderers ... they are still brothers, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters. She said "they still have dreams and hopes and nightmares like you and me." She viewed the reality that sometimes the lawyer is the last person the client sees before they die, as the PRIVILEGE of the attorney.
I knew then that no matter where we work -- whether it's in litigation or mediation or anything else -- as lawyers we have to start by saying "I love my clients" and recognizing how privileged we are to be able to serve those that need us most.
[In case you're wondering...I GOT THE JOB!]