The Good Karma Divorce

When your marriage falls apart and divorce seems inevitable, part of you fears the worst. Part of you hopes things will work out. Questions fill your mind. Pain rips apart your heart. And the kids - what will this do to them? Is there a way to navigate the treacherous transition called divorce in a way that can actually bring about healing? Can a family emerge in a more loving way?
In her book, The Good Karma Divorce, Judge Michele Lowrance explains how the legal system fails at meeting the deeper needs of divorcing people and offers insights and practical tools to transform the raw, difficult aspects of divorce into fertile soil to nourish a more positive future. She starts by describing the importance of having a personal manifesto, akin to a personal mission statement, that serves as a road map to a successful outcome. She gives concrete exercises to help build such a manifesto.
Using real life examples from her courtroom, Judge Lowrance describes how difficult emotions like anger, betrayal, and criticism can be harnessed and converted to useful energy - transmuting "bad" karma to "good" karma. Her message is clear: The legal system does not address the emotional issues that led to the divorce. In the courtroom, people lash out attempting to alleviate the pain but, in the end, no one is sastisfied. Yet, from a spiritual perspective, there is a "higher standard of wisdom and compassion" that operates beyond the courtroom. From this knowledge base, she offers ways to manage the emotions - starting with a simple suggestion: write your feelings down. Simple, yes. But do we take that simple step when we feel overwhelmed? Who do we share it with? The book itself gives a context for addressing the emotional aspects of divorce in a healthy way.
The impact of divorce on children is discussed extensively. She cites research on children of divorce and gives ways to prevent "collateral damage" with straightforward language and clear suggestions.
Judge Lowrance advocates the use of mediation and collaborative law because the professionals in these processes support a divorcing person's efforts to have a Good Karma Divorce. They take into account the emotional and spiritual aspects of divorce while holding on to the legal realities that must be faced.
She concludes with some very profound insights into human relationships. "We are all in peril of being looked at with the glint of expendability in our beloved's eye ... My view of pain is that it is meant to keep the blood of wisdom circulating ... Learning from love and the pain of the disintegration of that love is a valuable use of our time alive." In my opinion, the time I spent reading The Good Karma Divorce was a valuable use of my time.